Aerial Cirque
by EvelMyst
Summary: As Nick grows up as an aerialist in the circus. His life isn't exactly black and white. He has several generations of circus performers to contend with & the changes in the industry itself. N/G With Horatio Caine
1. Chapter 1

**Aerial Cirque**

An Evenstar Story

Beta'd by the great JayceePat

-~*~-

CHAPTER I: A Grandiose History Indeed

To this day, I still have nightmares about my fifth birthday. It was the same day Sam Braun told the good people of Hartford, Connecticut that our finale was going to be the finest… nay the greatest show in his cirque's history and that was saying something, for our cirque had a fine and noble history indeed.

Well, at least that's what my father, William Cisco frequently told me. Of course, I think he might have been exaggerating a bit to make me work harder for him. It wasn't unlike Cisco to use that in order to make an innocent boy like me work harder. I mean, what boy wants to disgrace seven generations of his family's heritage and hard work? I certainly didn't. And no, it didn't help matters at all to think that I was a seventh generation cirque performer.

Even though our cirque had a grandiose and unique history, there's really not a lot known about the origins of our circus. The only thing I knew for sure, it was started in Europe by the Cisco and Braun families. Both were regarded as outcasts to their families and to society. The two met inside the jailhouse. I'm sure it was only a matter of time before a misfit found themselves in jail. After all, when you have nothing, your allegiances belong to nothing. For people like that, jail is the only place they can go.

As the story goes, the two hit it off and started plotting their escape. From the little research I've actually done on those two, it wasn't the first time they were jailbirds. They both had been arrested no less than fourteen times in various countries. Together, I'm sure they made quite the pair. They escaped that jailhouse within a few days time and became constant companions in crime. Well, they became infamous during these lucrative travels. Word began to spread around about these daring escapes and the people had to see them for themselves. Being the businessmen they were, they agreed and set up a small tent charging a small admission to the people who desired to see their re-enactments.

The rest they say is history and the legend of how our cirque came to be. To tell you the truth, I'm not even sure which country they were in when they started this travelling band of daredevils.

That was several generations ago and perhaps even more than seven which is what Cisco always told me. I do know that it was a very successful cirque in Europe and they experienced similar success here in the States. As Cisco always told me, it was started by his great, great, great, great, great, great, grandpa and somehow this made me feel special.

From what I heard, our cirque was one of the most popular in the history of these kinds of events. They were really popular among the secular people of Europe and eventually here in America. The people would come from all over bringing their friends and families to see our travelling extravaganza and all were amazed and awe-struck at the spectacle they witnessed.

Times were changing though. Somewhere in the mid-nineteen hundreds things started to decline for our family business as well as others like it. World War Two in Europe was mainly responsible for the decline of these travelling extravaganzas. If that wasn't enough, the introduction of technology such as the radio and television began to mark the end for those of us who made our living in the ring.

That was why Sam Braun wanted to put on this little extravaganza. That was why he needed to put on the greatest show the world had ever seen. The finale at Hartford, Connecticut was supposed to mean the salvation of our troupe, my family. It turned out to be one of the worst days in my life... as I can remember it at least.

Thunder rumbled through the angry sky, answering the call of the lightning. It was a banter that could have continued onward until the end of time. It happened to be the morning of my fifth birthday and I was sleeping peacefully on my hammock in momma's show trailer. That's where we slept, Momma, Liam and I.

It was a tiny place, with barely enough room for the three of us. Over to one end sat a small kitchenette. It wasn't much in comparison to any other kitchenette. Mostly, it was a small cupboard and a counter top. It was nothing fancy. We didn't even have a table. Liam's cot sat right beside the kitchenette with the head of his bed wedged tightly between the small cupboard and the front wall. His bed was littered with his clothing and much to momma's annoyance his bedding was all wadded up in a knot. Momma tried to keep this place clean, but with Liam's attempts to get the beautiful trick rider Catherine Willows to just notice him, that wasn't going to happen. I can only hope that I'm not so crazy when I become a teenager.

Across from the kitchenette sat my mom's bed. She had a real bed. Not like Liam's canvas cot. No, hers had a headboard and a footboard, a real feather mattress, and a hand sewn quilt grandma made. At the foot of her bed sat a small rickety chair I frequently used to pull on my shoes. That brings me to my bed, the hammock. It was strung up over the head of momma's bed. She was always afraid that one night I was just going to roll right out of it and land hard on the floor. I guess she thought that the bed would be softer. She was probably right.

Our family didn't have much, but we had what we needed. My father, Cisco never stayed with us. No, momma wouldn't have that. He wasn't welcomed in our trailer, momma made sure of that. We may have been his by genetics, but she wanted nothing to do with him. As she would say, she filled her obligation to him by producing two strapping boys and she wanted nothing more to do with him.

It wasn't like Cisco minded. He always slept alone unless he was bedding a woman to sire yet another child. After momma had me though, Cisco proclaimed that I was going to be his last. He had eight children in total with four different women. Liam was the oldest and arguably his pride and joy. I was his favourite, his baby and he treated me as though I were made of porcelain. None of his children ever stayed with him. He simply didn't have enough room in his trailer to house all eight of us. That's why we stayed with our mothers.

On this story Monday, I lie lifelessly in my hammock, my foot dangled off the edge. Soft snores emanated from my lips. That was how I usually slept. I didn't believe it at first, that was until Liam took a picture of me, and assured me that was my usual position. Every person in our troupe was allowed one day a month to sleep in. It just so happened that this month's day coincided with my birthday. Maybe that was by my mother's design, or maybe it was just coincidence. Whatever the case, I'm just glad that I don't have to hang around my partner Warrick Brown and our trainer Adolf Travardy.

As much as I enjoyed the extra sleep, I'm sad to say that it didn't last too long. From the angry clouds above, a deafening crack of thunder boomed through the storm-laden sky. It was so powerful it jarred me from my sleep causing the hammock to flip upside down. I nearly fell from my canvas hanging and I probably would have if it weren't for Mister Travardy's aerial acrobatics training. Looks like I finally did something right.

I managed to catch my breath and lowered myself slowly down to momma's bed. //That was close,// I thought to myself. By that time, sleep was a pointless endeavour. I quickly threw on some clothes, now a few inches too short for me. I've grown a lot these past few months. Momma was complaining about that a few days ago, but it meant nothing to me.

As a small boy, I've always been terrified of thunderstorms. I dealt with them, I had to, but I hated them. Usually, momma would take me into her arms and sing that little lullaby I loved so much in my ear. Unfortunately, she wasn't here right now and I was alone in the coach under these horrible conditions. I chanced a quick glimpse outside only to be met with the torrential rain and fierce winds trying to push the door back upon my fingers.

I couldn't do it. Not on a bet, not even to find my mother's safe embrace. The fierce winds pushed hard against the trailer. I could hear it whizzing past our small home. Tears rolled from my eyes as I hid from it under momma's bed unable to move.

It wasn't as though the storm was really all that bad. I just hated the noise of the thunder really. It took me a while to catch my breath and finally convince myself that I really could leave momma's trailer. Slowly, I pulled myself out from under momma's bed and walked cautiously to the front door. With a few calming deep breaths I found the courage to open the door. It was hard to get out from behind the door with my limited strength, but I somehow managed to squeeze through.

The wind and rain were torrential, but I pulled my jacket above my head afraid that the onslaught of rain would melt my precious skin into a puddle of good to be swept up by the street sweepers. I trudged through the nearly vacant midway as I made for the big-top where I could take cover. Maybe if I was lucky I would be able to see the pyrotechnician's newest act. Sam promised the people it was going to be spectacular.

As I walked slowly through the midway, it saddened me to see it so void of people. However, I don't blame them for staying away with weather like this. Ordinarily, the midway would be packed on closing day filled with people trying to take advantage of the rides, the cotton candy, the several carnival games we had set up, and the sideshow if they so desired to see the abnormalities of the human condition. They weren't so scary to me though. Actually David Hodges was always very fond of me. He'd tell me the craziest stories and I just knew each of them had to be true. Cisco always said that he had the audacious tendency to stretch the truth a bit. In any case, I still loved being in his company.

Hodges wasn't like the other freaks with the sideshow. He could walk through the crowded midway in his civvies and no one would have ever guessed he was a part of our sideshow. He wasn't too tall, or had another person joined to him. In fact, he wasn't deformed at all. I often asked him why he was with the sideshow. He just kind of laughed and went on doing what he was doing. I found out sometime later, he was some sort of brilliant genius. He used to work with the universities doing all sorts of stuff I couldn't comprehend if I tried.

I'm not exactly sure what those universities did with Hodges. Whatever it was, it must've been horrible for the way he snapped. Now, he has so many neuroses that he can hardly keep from twitching. I know he hasn't always been like that, but I've never seen him any other way. He was nice though, always friendly. Plus, he had this mathematician juggling thing going on, apparently it was something to be seen.

Either way, he didn't have much time. He wished me a happy birthday though before sending me on my way.

A few people quickly scurried from tent to tent as the rain continued its hard assault on the ground. Mud and water splashed up around their feet as they ran across the narrow alley of trailers. Most of them were too afraid to even brave the dreadful weather. The few who did brave it found themselves in either the main performers tent waiting to meet them after their morning practice was concluded, or in the freak show tent, watching the amazing David Hodges and Henry Andrews argue about quantum mechanics and whether or not time travel is actually a possibility. When they got going they could make your head spin.

Pruedence Webster stopped dead in her tracks with her brown eyes fixed on me and I knew that I was in deep trouble. Prue may have been my half-sister, Cisco and Zoë's coupling, but she acts more like my surrogate mother. Either way, she always seems to know when I'm up to no good and that usually ends with me doing extra callisthenics.

My oldest sister Prue was a beautiful young woman. She was tall with long black hair, pale skin and bright brown eyes. When she smiled, you could swear the entire world lit up. She could make the coldest days a bit warmer. Now, I wish I could see her soft eyes and the edges of her plump lips curl into a smile.

At the moment, she wasn't too keen on smiling. She marched over to me, her face hardened and stern. I could feel my knees quivering as she neared. Deep down I knew I was in trouble. I shouldn't be outside in weather like this. Momma's told me a thousand times that when it rains I am to stay under the big-top or in our trailer.

My head dropped instinctively waiting for her gavel to fall on me. I just knew, she was going to take my hand and pull me straight to momma, but she didn't. Prue hoisted me into her arms and her face broke into that beautiful smile. "What are you doing out here walking around in the rain, Little Birdling?" A mischievous glint overcame her eyes as her finger curled around into a claw and assaulted my stomach. Lung bursting laughter erupted from me as she carried me into the large tent.

"Let's get you dried up, before your mom sees you soaking wet." Sometimes, Prue wouldn't tell mom about my little misbehaviours. To date, I haven't been able to figure out why the sudden changes of heart. Maybe it was that she knew I had no choice, or was it the fact that it was my birthday. I still don't know, and I doubt that I will ever know the answer to that. She dried me off so tenderly and lovingly and I felt so much better to be dry and out of the rain.

TO BE CONTINUED...........


	2. Chapter 2

**Aerial Cirque**

An Evenstar Story

Beta'd by the great JayceePat

-~*~-

CHAPTER II: Morning Rehearsal

There was no finer structure of our cirque than the big-top. It was truly a marvel to behold. Inside the canvas canopy there was wooden stadium seating placed in a large semi-circle. At the centre of the arena, sat several round stage platforms over tilled dirt where the trick riders perform. During the evenings the tent took on a beautiful golden brown glow from the lights within. The show came to life under the vibrant spotlights. There was a whole new excitement about the place.

Prue sat me down on one of the lower benches so I could watch the performers rehearse for tonight's big finale. We never had a matinee on finale day. On the closing day of our show, we try to put on the best entertainment we can. Cisco yelled across the big-top at his fellow pyrotechnicians. He cracked that whip over their heads tying to push the group of men a bit harder. Outside of Cisco, I really didn't know many of the fire breathers.

"Keep out of trouble, Little Birdling," Prue patted me lovingly on the back before joining her sister Mandy and our half sister Wendy on the lowered tightrope.

That was the one thing I couldn't understand. It was a complete mystery to me how they were able to do what they do while balancing on one small inch of cord that ran across the arena. It completely flabbergasted me that they were able to do that. I'm sure they experience a similar thing when they watch me take the trapeze.

I sat there on the wooden bench and watched the tightrope performers practice. Mandy looked just like her older sister, and Wendy was as cute as cute could be. She had the traditional Cisco brunette hair and brown eyes. Not because Cisco had brown eyes, his eyes were blue, but he fancied women with brown eyes. So, it was only natural for all us children to have our mother's brown eyes. Wendy was a doll though and the audience always ate her up as she twirled around on that tightrope.

Maybe, if I looked just right, I could see what my partner, Warrick Brown saw in her. He sat on the ground a few meters away from the tightrope walkers stretching with the other two aerialists, Francis Ambrose and Marcos Porter. I would be out there with them, but momma says I'm too young to start performing on the trapeze.

Our cirque acquired Warrick about the same time I was ready to start training for the Trapeze. He was a lowly orphan wandering the streets scavenging for any scrap of food he could get his hands on. The little five-year-old at the time wore tattered clothes ripped at the edges and covered with layers upon layers of filth stumbled up to our company and pleaded mercilessly for food. Instead, he got adopted by the troupe and has been with us ever since. He isn't like the rest of us. He had dark skin, black curly hair that stood out from his head, and had the strangest hazel green eyes.

He never talked about his past and would get testy if anyone asked him. So no one ever did more than once. Maybe his past was just so bad that he just wanted to forget it. Warrick always loved to have fun. He always played little harmless practical jokes on people. He never did anything horrible like make Wendy Simms fall off the tightrope. No, all she had to do in order to fall was look at Warrick Brown while he was too busy swinging from one trapeze to another and down she went like magic.

At the time, I never really saw what was so grand about love. Whatever it was, must've been grand, because both Liam and Warrick were completely loonytoons when it came to girls. Again, I could only hope that I never get that nutty when I come of age to start noticing girls.

I sat there for a while wrapped up in Prue's blanket watching the fire breather's practice. When they finally concluded, I could tell they were nowhere as good as Cisco would like. He had that look in his powder blue eyes that he believed they could do better.

The trick riders came out into the performance arena. Catherine Willows and her group of trick riders came trotting out looking just as dazzling as they always do. I called them the trick riding squadron. If Catherine ever heard that from me, she'd skin me alive.

Catherine was a beautiful person and I do see what my brother sees in her. If I were some hormone driven teenager, I might be all over her as well. So, I really can't blame my brother for his views. Catherine was probably the most beautiful person among us children. She was fourteen with long strawberry blonde hair, bright vibrant blue eyes, and a smile that could turn any red-blooded man into a puddle of goo.

She rode out there with her sister, Becca Willows and her half-sister Sophia Curtis. I never cared very much for Becca Willows. She was Catherine's spoiled younger sister. Whatever she wanted was what she got. She was arrogant and often bragged about being the best trick rider in the history of trick riders. If that wasn't vain enough, she always paraded herself around like she was the greatest thing ever. Honestly, I'm thankful she had better things to do than hang out with baby Stokes, as she called me.

Over to the other end, Liam practiced his unicycle juggling routine with my other brother Zander Simms. From practice, you wouldn't know that they really had their routine down pat, but every time the lovely Catherine Willows galloped by with her long legs upright in the air, Liam seemed to forget he was on a one-wheeled bike. The man was a total klutz anywhere near the vicinity of that siren's call.

The only one of my siblings that I didn't see was Rory. She's an acrobat, the same as Liam and Xander, but she's nowhere to be seen. She wasn't rehearsing with them, so I figured she must've been sick or something. Like the rest of the company, Rory was expected to turn out for all practices and rehearsals. There are exceptions of course, severe illness definitely counted as an excusable reason to miss practice. It couldn't have been her morning to sleep in, because only one of us gets that per day, and today was my day.

Morning rehearsal finally broke and for some, not a moment too soon. Liam immediately darted out in the direction of the privy. Catherine took Becca under her arm as they disappeared into the back changing room to get themselves cleaned up. After five minute, the only people left was Prue and Mandy Webster, only because Mandy was having some difficulty with a leap and needed her help. The other one left was Riley Adams who continued to work on her back layouts.

TO BE CONTINUED...........


	3. Chapter 3

**Aerial Cirque**

An Evenstar Story

Beta'd by the great JayceePat

-~*~-

CHAPTER III: An Impromptu Show

The storm kicked up as I descended onto the stage of the arena. The canvas tent shifted under the brutal winds pressing against it and I tried not to let it get to me. Knowing that the winds could surely blow away the canvas covering, I ran across the performing floor and into the narrow corridor to find my mother. Hidden beneath the bleachers of the arena were several narrow passageways that led to the storage areas, the animal cages, and dressing rooms for the performers.

These narrow hallways were cluttered with boxes, crates, show props, and just about anything you could imagine. I'm sure if you looked hard enough you might even find the kitchen sink. One of the clowns' ideas I'm sure. As I began to near momma's dressing room, I could hear the exchange of sharply heated words. I stopped outside her door to hear Cisco's voice booming from inside.

"Jill, he's five years old, you know all the other children started performing once they hit their fifth birthday, Liam included," Cisco shouted angrily. I don't think I've ever heard him so mad before. Sure, I've seen him pretty mad, but I've never heard him punch the wall. Well, I'm only assuming it was him that pounded the wall. I really don't see momma doing something like that. When momma's mad, she usually throws breakables in all directions.

"Liam wasn't swinging from a trapeze bar a hundred feet off the ground," Jillian retorted. Anger saturated her voice; it almost oozed from her tone.

"And you knew what you agreed to when you promised to bear me two children," Cisco's voice boomed through the flimsy door. My heart must've beaten a million times per second. The thought of me, ME of all people stepping out there on that platform, climbing the big post and performing in front of all those people terrified the living daylights out of me. It's one thing to do it inside Travardy's practice tent with Warrick Brown. Out there, where everyone could see me... well that's something entirely different.

I stood there on the other side of that door completely frozen, petrified by what I heard. They want me to perform. That's what I've been doing. It wasn't as though it was that big of a secret. I've always suspected that one day I would be performing. I'm not that naive to think that I wouldn't be out there someday. I just never thought it would come this soon.

"I know what I agreed to," I heard momma reply angrily. "But I've never agreed to let a five-year-old child perform on the trapeze."

"Have you seen your son on the trapeze?" Cisco asked. I've never heard him sound like that. His voice was filled with confidence, or was it reverence. I could almost imagine him standing there across from momma with his chest out daring her to question him. "Nick was born to fly," he continued.

"I just... I won't watch my youngest son fall to his death, Cisco."

Silver streams of tears were freely rolling down momma's cheeks as she barged out of the room. She nearly ran me over before realising that I was there and listening to their argument.

"Let's go, Birdling," she took me by the hand and nearly pulled me off my feet as she took me back to her trailer. I tried to call out to her that she was hurting me, but she couldn't seem to hear my cries. I've never seen momma like this. She threw the door to our trailer open and forcibly pushed me inside.

"Momma," I cried out not knowing what else to do. All I could do was watch as she tossed her suitcase on her bed and started shoving all her clothes inside. "Momma," I cried out again. Tears now rolled from my eyes as I didn't know what was happening. The world as I knew it was coming apart at the seams and I didn't know how to stop it. She took me in her arm and the suitcase in the other before walking out the door.

Momma must've carried me for miles in the pouring rain. All the while, she muttered things about me and performing and how she wouldn't have it. She couldn't see me losing my life over something so stupid. Thunder rumbled in the sky causing me to shudder in momma's arms.

"I know Birdling, I know, momma's just gotta find a place where we can be dry and get you some clothes. You're growing so fast."

"Why we leave?"

"Because I love you." Her smile was as sad as her eyes, but I knew she meant it. All this time, I've always known why we left that day. We didn't leave because I wasn't ready to perform. Truth was, deep down, I knew I was ready. We left, because momma wasn't ready for me to start performing.

Maybe she didn't want to see her little Birdling grow up. Or perhaps, she did not realise what a good teacher Mr. Travardy was. He was a great aerialist back in his day. One of the world's greatest I would say and he trained me personally, teaching me all the tricks of the trade. He taught me everything he knew and he would whip my behind black and blue if I did not follow his exact instruction. I never gave him a reason to discipline me; I was his model pupil.

Not a soul could be found wandering around the old town square of downtown Hartford. I doubt there'd be a single person alive who would want to be out in this weather. I certainly didn't, yet I was there being led by my mother down the streets of the old town square.

It would be a beautiful place minus the rain. The buildings were all made from the same redbrick. Each had their own distinguishing style though. The bank stood catty-corner from the courthouse in the middle. Upon its roof was the traditional Masonic symbol of the compass. Some of the buildings carried cornerstones marking the date of their construction.

The clothing store was located in the middle of a long row of shops. It was a small shop that was unusually crowded with people, who like us were avoiding the rain. Momma held me close to her side as we walked through the aisles of the store. She picked out some things and folded them neatly over her arm. Every now and then, she'd glance at me with those soft brown eyes and I knew that everything was going to be all right.

Now, it came down to the one part of shopping that I always hated; the part where I had to try clothes on. I hated it when momma would take me to the back of the shop to the dressing stalls and place me inside. She'd always wait outside for me, as I was a big boy and could handle these things myself. I tried on one outfit after another and stepped outside the stall to let momma judge whether it looked good or not. Really, it was her opinion that mattered, I cared little about the way I looked. If I had it my way, I'd wear stripes with poke-a-dots every day.

When I emerged for the final time wearing my little trousers and a bit too tight shirt she sifted through the clothes separating the ones she liked from the others. We paid for the clothes before she took me into her arms again and left the store. The rain had lifted somewhat as the day progressed. The sun was actually beginning to peek from the once formidable and daunting clouds.

Walking around the old courthouse in the middle of old town square, we came across a sign for the local creamery.

"Would my little Birdling like an ice cream?"

I couldn't stop the smile from tugging at my lips as momma suggested the sweet treat. She took me by the hand and took me inside. The atmosphere inside the creamery was different from the shop just down the way. The place had a long semi-circular bar surrounding various gizmos and gadgets used to make their incredible sweet confections. The outer edge of the place was surrounded by booths. Like the clothing shop, the creamery too was filled with people trying to remove themselves from the breaking storm.

Kids ran merrily around the booths playing some game that I did not recognise. They chased each other laughing and giggling. There was a part of me that desired to be running along with them. Momma smiled and handed me my vanilla ice cream cone. Quietly, I ate the thing allowing the cold creamy essence to run down my throat. I continued to watch the children running and playing around. Up until that point in my life, I'd never been around normal kids. None of the kids I grew up around played as these kids do now. Is this normal? I looked toward the parents, they all looked respectable and everything.

Then, after I finished my ice cream momma did the last thing I ever expected. She turned to me with her loving brown eyes, sparkling in the dull light from the creamery's windows. "You can join the other children if you wish, my Birdling."

Never before had she allowed me to run around with other children. Normally, she'd keep me protectively by her side any time we went out. I hopped eagerly off my stool and ran to the other children. They stopped dead in their tracks at the sight of me.

"Hi," I managed to say nervously. They glared at me with a cautious eye and I swear that I could feel the temperature rise a degree or two from the heat radiating from their eyes. "I... I'm Nick," I waived a bit. My nerves began to take their toll on me, but I stood there not really sure what to do.

"Look what I can do," I blurted out and flipped over to my hands balancing upside down. All the other children gathered around me and gasped in amazement at what I could do. It was really nothing. I've been doing that since I was three. Momma's never let me do it in public before, but they seemed to love it. Each of them tried and fell over on their heads with a laugh.

I saw momma watching in the distance as I taught them how to do summersaults over the wooden floor. They each tried it laughing all the while. Momma smiled as I continued to show them neat little tricks that I've learned over the time, but there was also a glint of sadness as well. Perhaps, she saw that I was growing up and she wasn't quite ready for that.

TO BE CONTINUED...........


	4. Chapter 4

-~*~-

CHAPTER IV: Fallen Prince Charming

Eventually, the children had to go home with their parents where they belonged. Momma took me by the hand, her lips drawn up in a smile as we walked out the door and out to the street. The two of us walked slowly admiring the sun breaking through the clouds. Momma always did love the atmosphere right after a rainstorm. She used to say it made everything look shiny and new. It even had that fresh rain smell that I loved.

The circus grounds were overflowing with people now that the awful rains had stopped. The pyrotechnicians blew fire for the gathered crowd in the midway and took their tips with a bit of gratitude. We walked past the sideshow tent where Hodges and Henry were still arguing over the intricacies of time travel and bopping each other on the head with soft spongy sticks. The two had quite the reputation for their unsolvable quandaries.

I followed momma as she pushed through the tightly packed midway as we made our way to the big-top. I have no idea why we're going there, but momma always has her reasons. From the way she left this morning, I thought we were never coming back. Momma even packed her suitcase, which she still carried in her hand. Something must've changed her mind while we were out.

We found ourselves staring at Cisco's door. I found that particularly odd. Momma didn't like Cisco. She never did, not after what he pulled on her when she was pregnant with Liam. By that time, I've known about Cisco's secret for about a year. I knew that he hurt momma even though I didn't really understand everything. Momma never talked about it, but it's written down in her secret diary she keeps hidden under her mattress. I've seen her writing in it a time or two. But she doesn't write in it as much anymore.

Since the day I first arrived in this world, momma began to teach me how to read. I don't really know when I started but by the time I was three, I was reading quite fluently. Momma was always amazed about how smart I was and kept bragging to Hodges how she might have the next Einstein. (Hodges always blew her off.)

One day, I just decided to find out why momma was so bitter toward Cisco. I waited until I knew I could get to the book she hid under the mattress. It was the day I skipped Travardy's training session with Warrick Brown. I never showed up at his tent, but momma thought I did. I really turned around and went back to our home and dug the book out from under her bed. It was an old tattered book, with years upon years of scribbling inside it.

Inside that tattered book momma wrote how she met Cisco on the day she joined our troupe. He gave her the grand tour of the place and convinced momma this was the right circus for her. With eagerness, she followed him into his trailer where they got down to business as my mom wrote. All members of our cirque were required to sign a waiver form acknowledging that they were taking their own personal risk into their own hands. It wasn't a government-enforced legality at the time, but our cirque insisted on it. Ours was one of the few circuses who actually required this sort of documentation.

Cisco was a good-looking man in those days with bright blue eyes that stole my mother's heart. She was very taken by him, and he made it seem that he reciprocated those feelings. From the pages of her diary, she said he talked provocatively to her, teasing her body in ways that made her insides melt. He asked her if she'd promise to bear him two children.

He spent months coddling her making her feel special. Then one day, he asked her if she would promise to bear him two children. Back then, she agreed to anything he wanted and then some. She was completely head over heels helplessly in love with him. She was even silly enough to believe that he felt the same way about her, knowing nothing about the three other women he fraternised with on a regular basis. She wrote that her love blinded her to the predator behind the mask. He made her feel special and wanted like she was the only one he could ever love.

Cisco would make her his first and would plant his seed deep inside momma. She wrote about it as though it were some kind of magical night where all the stars were aligned. Three months pregnant and barely showing, she went to find her beloved Cisco only to find him bedding another woman.

Momma was crushed at the revelation and ran from her beloved in tears promising never to see the man again. She got down the dusty road when she realised that there was no place for her to go. Even if she did run away, she'd have no home and a baby on her hip.

As the years passed, she fully wanted to believe that Cisco had forgotten her promised second child. Then when Liam was nine, he pulled her to the side and the arrangement was set. That was how I was conceived.

During that time, I really didn't comprehend exactly what Cisco did to her, or anything about the nature of this agreement she wrote about. The only thing I really understood from her secret diary was that Cisco hurt momma deeply and that's why momma never liked Cisco.

Finally, she garnered up the courage to knock on his door. I knew how much momma hated seeing this man so it must've been important. She said not a word to him as he opened the door. She only took me by the hand and led me in.

"Reconsidered have we?" Cisco didn't much ask as much as he stated the question to momma. I could see her tense at the harshness of Cisco's tone of voice, but she didn't say anything. It should have only been too obvious she reconsidered and he was stating the obvious again.

"Well, go get the doctor and we shall get this started," Cisco nodded toward momma who left immediately leaving me behind. I'm not sure how I felt about Cisco. I know he's hurt momma badly, I know he can be an unbending person, but I really wished that I knew how to feel about him. I loved him as any boy loves his father, but there was always an odd tension between the two of us.

It didn't take momma long to get the doctor. I wish I knew what this was all about, but I haven't a clue. Cisco set me on the table and pulled my shirt above my head and pulled my pants off, so I was sitting in my underwear.

The doctor gave me a good look over, listened to my heart, took my blood pressure, temperature, my ears, eyes, my reflexes, mouth, nose, and everything else that goes with the traditional medical check-up. Once he was done there, he weighed me and took my height. He seemed interested in my joints and how they moved. He moved every single one and hummed softly to himself. The last part of my examination was an ear and eye test. I did fine hearing things, but I had a hard time seeing the line he asked me to read.

"Well, Ms. Stokes, your son is very healthy. He's a bit underweight, but I take it from his undersized clothes he's recently had a growth spurt, so I'm sure he'll fill out nicely," he smiled. "You should consider taking him to the optometrist though, his vision is slightly off. It's only slightly so I don't think it will have an effect on his performing ability, but it might start to affect his ability to read and could lead to headaches."

"Is he fit enough to perform?" Cisco asked.

"I believe young master Stokes is fit enough to perform, I give him a clean bill of health." He packed his black leather medical bag and left the small office. Momma sat in the chair and signed a few forms that essentially placed me in the custody of our cirque.

"You should get him to costuming really soon, I promise you, I won't allow Nick to perform if he's not absolutely ready, and we'll start him off slowly, I give you my word."

"You better think real hard on that vow, because I will hold you to it," momma glared at him. I'm not sure if she believed him or not, but she seemed relieved to know that I wouldn't be immediately put into the ring hanging out there from the tallest trapeze under the big-top.


	5. Chapter 5

-~*~-

CHAPTER V: Preshow Jitters

I dressed in my finest suit, ready to take my usual position in welcoming our guests into the big-top. I was almost to my post at the main gate when Cisco managed to corner me and escort me as his private guest into the big-top. "Tonight, you will watch from my sidelines, my boy."

His blue eyes sparkled and shined with pride as he walked me into the giant tent and showed me the chair I would take. "You're going to help our ringmaster Horatio Caine, would you like that?"

My eyes lit up. Never in a thousand years did I imagine that I could ever stand up on that round wooden platform and announce the acts.

Horatio was a tall imposing man, much scarier looking than Cisco. He really had a soft spot for children though and he was always very kind to me. His mouth drew up in a crooked smile, his eyes lit up with joy as I walked up to him.

"Cisco says I get to be your assistant tonight," I said excitedly.

"That's right," he said in that slow hypnotic speech he always talked with. His bright blue eyes sparkled as he took me on the stage. "In an hour this place will start to fill up with people and you'll be right here with me," he beamed.

It was going to be a show that none of them was ever going to forget. I sat in the chair next to Horatio Caine and I could swear my heart was beating in my throat I was so nervous. This was the first time I've ever been inside the big-top during the show and I haven't a clue what to expect. Sam Braun said it was supposed to be the greatest show of them all, but I don't exactly know what that means. I haven't really seen a show, so I wouldn't know what the others were like.

"Well, it's time for us to shine," Horatio's hand fell on my shoulder. I swallowed the lump in my throat and followed him nervously to the stage. My knees were shaking worse than a leaf in hurricane force winds. A part of me actually thought I was going to get sick right there on that stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I would like to welcome you to the greatest show on earth," Horatio announced confidently into the microphone. His voice boomed throughout the arena capturing the audience's undivided attention. "We would like to remind you that these are trained professionals, and we request that you do not attempt these techniques at home without proper supervision. Enjoy the show."

The audience erupted in a loud applause and we stepped down from the circular podium. The show was brilliant. Gil Grissom had those elephants sitting on stools and handing the beautiful Catherine Willows a bouquet of roses as she rode by on her horse. The acrobats jumped and leaps around juggling bowling pins, bounding on pogo sticks and riding unicycles. The audience couldn't seem to get enough of them.

Then Heather Kessler came out with a whip in her hand as the exotic cats took to the stage. In the centre of the arena, they placed a large sphere and I still don't know how they managed it, but they got those cats to go in there and run around. It was amazing to see and the audience oo'd and aw'd at the spectacle.

They bowed and escorted the tigers out of the arena. Then the next group of performers walked onto the stage. Horatio placed his hand over my shoulder and asked if I was good to be by myself. He must've seen something suspicious, so I nodded my head while he walked out of the arena leaving me to myself as the pyrotechnicians lit their torches. The audience cheered and clapped their hands together in delight.

Their show was amazing as Sam Braun said it would be. I could see Cisco out there with them performing flawlessly. Flames blew through the air as they shot fire out of their mouths. I could see Cisco take a flaming rod and place it deep in his throat. I shuddered at the thought of placing something on fire down my throat. Thankfully, I was selected to be an aerialist instead of a fire-eater.

They combined the mastery of acrobatics with the beauty of the fire's flame. It was one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. I had no idea that Cisco could even do something like that.


	6. Chapter 6

-~*~-

CHAPTER VI: Inferno

Moments later Horiatio Caine ran back into the arena screaming at the top of his lungs. His face wore the appearance of sheer and unadulterated terror. He screamed again, and again his desperate plea went unheard by the performers, drowned out by the enthused cheers from the crowd. If they only knew, they would have let Horatio's warning resonate throughout the entirety of the arena.

Behind the performers a rogue lion roared. Panic filled the performers as the frightened animal lashed out at them. One thing led to another and one of the performers just froze. His torch fell from his hand and clanked against the woodened platform. The flames spread rapidly, engulfing several of the performers in the blink of an eye. Panic erupted all around the arena. Their pained cries will forevermore echo in my ears. It was horrendous.

I ran from the fire as fast as I could, but it spread too fast and I found myself trapped between the arena walls and the quick approaching flames. People screamed as the flames climbed the wooden poles of the big-top igniting the canvas covering. I could feel the heat of the fire radiating around me, burning me.

Tears ran down my face as I knew my end was coming. This would be how it all ended right there with my back pressed against the arena wall.

The screams were deafening and I can still hear them today as though I were there again. I can even feel the flames dancing on my face.

"NICHOLAS!" I heard my name being shouted above the screaming crowd. "NICKY! WHERE AERE YOU!? BIRDLING!"

I couldn't answer. I didn't have the strength. Screams left my lips as tears continued to roll down my face. An arm from heaven reached down and yanked me from the centre of the arena and hoisted me over the shoulder of an unknown man. He carried me away and out of the burning big-top. I found myself in a mesh of people I did not know coughing from the smoke. In the distance, I could see the massive tent burning up in flames. I knew I owed this man my life.

"Do you have a place to go?" the man asked.

"I... I don't know," I answered and watched the big-top finally collapse on itself.

Firemen came with their big noisy trucks full of water they used to douse the raging inferno. I watched from the hillside as they battled the flames. I wondered how my family fared. Were they all right I know I saw Cisco amongst the fire breathers and I can only pray that he's fine. He and momma might not have been on speaking terms, but he was still my father, my family. I was worried about him, along with momma, Liam and the rest of my siblings.

"Are you all right?" My rescuer asked.

"Yeah," I managed to answer. I really was. My face and hands were burnt a little, but they weren't too bad overall. I might have lost an eyebrow or two at the most. He stayed with me as the firemen continued to douse the dancing flames, calming them, setting them to rest in white plumes of smoke.

His wife paced next to him, her hands drawn up to her face at the horror of it all. From her expression, I knew she couldn't stand the thoughts as she walked up and down that grassy hill.

"Do you think his parents survived?" her voice shook fearfully as she asked her husband.

"I don't know," he answered solemnly. "I don't know how anyone could have survived that fire," he stated. "It's a miracle that this little boy survived."

"We just can't leave him here," she cried. Her heart obviously broke for me.

"Hi," the man knelt down next to me. His eyes were kind, yet filled with grief from this horrible ordeal. "My name is Henry."

"I know a Henry," I smiled weakly.

"What's your name?"

"Nick," I answered.

"That's a very masculine name," Henry smiled widely. "Listen, Nick I'm going to get you back to your family, 'kay?"

"Oh-kay," I answered uncertain if I was strong enough to walk back to the smouldering remains of my family.


	7. Chapter 7

-~*~-

CHAPTER VII: Devastated

I couldn't even look at the devastation as we approached the grounds. The big-top that once stood above all other things was now nothing more than a charred black spot in the middle of our encampment. There were people everywhere, burned to a crisp. I tried not to look at them as Henry carried me by their burned bodies. In the distance, I saw a girl crying as the doctors tended to her. She was badly burned.

"Everything will be just fine, Nick," Henry ran his hand down my back, but the only thought on my mind, was that my entire family was... was dead. Tears rolled from my eyes as we walked through the devastation. Heather Kessler sat protectively holding a lion cub as if it were her son. "I promise I won't let anything bad happen to you."

It was a promise, we both knew he couldn't or wouldn't be able to keep. Seeing this devastation was already hurting me. All those bodies, and I knew that they all weren't just spectators, though many of them were.

David Hodges ran over to my rescuer. He had been running all around the place helping the doctors treat the wounded and covered the dead bodies littering the ground.

"Are you all right, sir?" he asked. "Is your boy all right?" He must not have recognised me.

"I'm fine, and from what I know this boy is fine. However, I'm trying to find his parents. He was separated from the fire. He can't be older than five. He said his name was Nick."

David's eyes grew to the size of flying saucers as his hands covered his mouth in disbelief. "She's... she's over there," he pointed down the midway toward the woman hunched over some kid's charred body.

"Thank you," Henry said gratefully to Hodges and we went off toward my grieving mother.

I couldn't stand to see my mother in this state. It was a frightful state indeed. Her eyes were red, stained from the tears she's crying. Her body shook as she knew the body in her arms was me. I couldn't stand to see her like this and turned my head away. Henry held me tight, trying to comfort me and ease the pain that's gripped my heart.

"Excuse me, ma'am," he said softly to my grieving mother.

"L-leave... m-m-me... a... alone," she sobbed as she clung to the charred fragments of an unknown boy. I've never seen momma like this. I didn't know what to do. No matter what I said, I don't think she'd believe me in the state she's in now. She's hunched over that body convinced that I'm... I'm dead, and I'm not. I tried to call out to her, calling her desperately, but she refused to hear it.

"My boy," she cried out in agony and drew the corpse to her bust so lovingly. Henry tried again to get her attention, to hand me over to my mother, but she wouldn't answer, she wouldn't even acknowledge that he was there at all. Conceding to defeat against my stubborn mother, Henry pressed on searching for anyone who recognised me and would take me.

"Over there," I pointed at my dark-haired dark-eyed sister. "She can take care of me."

"You sure?" Henry asked.

"Prue always takes care of me," I replied.

"If you say so," he smiled and carried me over to my tear-filled sister.

She paced right circles with her hands covering her mouth as she walked back and forth across the front of mother's trailer. Tears rolled from her eyes as she rounded the corner for another pass around. She had paced so much that she had worn a circle into the matted grass at her feet.

"Excuse me," Henry cleared his throat as he approached the distressed teenager. "I rescued a small boy from the fire. I think you might know him. He says his name is Nick."

Prue stopped dead in her tracks and turned to my rescuer. Even though my back was turned to her, I could feel the heat of her gaze. Her gasp could have stopped my heart as I felt her arms wrap around me.

"Nicky, is that you?" she cried and pulled me into her arms. "Thank you, thank you, thank you so very much," she squished me between her body and Henry, my rescuer. "Everyone thought he was dead. Thank you for rescuing him."

"No problem, glad to help," he smiled and turned away.

"God, your mother is in a rightful state," she pulled me over to mother's trailer. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I nodded as she sat me down on the trailer's steps. "Where's everyone?"

"That's not important, sweetie. What's important is that you're alive," she hugged me so tightly I could barely breathe. She refused to let me go.

"Will momma be all right?"

"I'm not sure," she answered slowly. "She truly believes that you're dead, sweetie. I'm sure she'll be fine once she allows herself to believe you're still living."

"I'm tired," I whined.

"I know, sweetie, let's get you to bed, 'kay. Things will be better in the morning, you'll see."

I wanted to believe her when she said it would be better after I slept, but I really doubted it. She took me by the hand and took me inside momma's trailer. The front door squeaked when she opened it.

"Stay with me," I begged scared to be left alone. Momma wasn't in a condition to comfort me. She wouldn't even acknowledge that I was alive. It hurt me in so many ways to think that momma wouldn't see that I was still here.

Prue helped me into my hammock and covered me with my hand-stitched blanket. "Get some sleep Birdling."

"You'll stay, won't you?"

"Absolutely," she said and pulled up that old rickety chair. "I wouldn't dream of leaving you." And something about her sad smile put my mind at ease.

I wish I could say that I slept peacefully, but it wasn't. My dreams were haunted by the raging inferno. Several times during the night, Prue caught me as I rolled right out of my hammock. Exhaustion overcame my ability to stay awake, but my dreams were determined to keep me up.

It was midday by the time I rolled out of my hammock for the last time. Prue caught me as always and set me down on momma's unused bed.

"Good morning, sweetie," she smiled wearily. "You feeling any better?" I shook my head, no. If anything, I felt worse. My face was burned raw and it stung at the slightest amount of pressure. Even the air hurt as it blew across my ruby face. It felt like it was on fire. Prue barely touched it and I swore it felt like she dragged sandpaper across my face. "These are pretty bad," she noted my face. "We should get you looked at by the doctor."

"I'm fine," I muttered.

"Honey, your face is burned pretty badly."

"I'm fine," I assured her. "Just hungry."

"Well, how about I take you to that diner down the road. You like hotcakes, right?"

"Yeah," I nodded and took her hand.

In the light of day, I could see just how bad the scene was. It looked like a warzone of sorts, but it wasn't. Silently, I wondered what exactly happened and how that lion got out of its cage. I know Heather Kessler loves her lions and hates to keep them locked up, but she would never let them loose during a show. Not on purpose.

Prue took me through the charred midway quickly trying to shield me from the most horrible sights. I saw David Hodges examining what was left of the sideshow tent. It had some charred edges, but it appeared fine otherwise. Hodges wasn't too keen on it though. I wished I had the time to stop and say hello to him, but Prue pulled me through the devastated midway to the diner down the way.

Ordinarily, I would have loved to get out for breakfast, but I couldn't seem to get comfortable. My entire life as I knew it was shaken up. Momma wasn't much better when I found her. She sat alone on a bench, her face buried in her hands. It was more than obvious that she was crying into her hands and my heart broke seeing her like this. From her body language, I could tell she really didn't want to be messed with. Prue had other ideas. She nudged me over to my mom and nodded for me to talk to her. She just knew that everything would be fine if momma would just let herself see me.

She took a few steps back as I walked toward my mother.

I stepped right up to her. She didn't even see me or even acknowledge that anyone was there. Gently, I placed my hand over her shoulder. "Momma," my voice was barely a whisper. I don't really know why I was so afraid, but I was. Her eyes, bloodshot and sad, looked up at me. The expression in her eyes was intense as they pierced straight through to my soul. I could feel it even to this very day, now arming my body. In her eyes, there stood awe and disbelief, but there was also relief and love.

"Oh, my boy, my precious little Birdling," she pulled me in her arms, grateful that I'm alive. "I thought... I thought I had lost you," she cried against my shoulder.


	8. Chapter 8

-~*~-

CHAPTER VIII: A Stagnant Life

After the fire, our cirque changed significantly. Our once nomadic lives came to an abrupt halt. For months after the fire, we stayed in the Hartford area, as the courts looked into what caused the fire.

A few days passed before I saw Liam or Cisco again. Both of them were significantly burned during the fall of the big-top. Liam according to mom's recollection of the events, ran into the tent to search for me, but was burned before he could find me and that's why momma thought I was dead. If it weren't for that angel named Henry, I would have been. Momma tried her best to cover my eyes from the devastation, but I saw anyway. There was no place I could hide from it.

September came, and we hadn't moved anywhere. Momma's eyes were sad whenever she saw Liam's mangled arm that was kissed so roughly by the dancing flames. She tried not to show how his wounds affected her, but it still came through her false exterior from time to time.

Those few months marked the first days of formal education I have ever had. During the time we spent delayed in Hartford, momma sent me to a small elementary school near downtown. Momma would walk me there every day holding my book bag. I'd kiss her bye and run in the building with the other kids.

I sat in my assigned seat and listened to every word my teacher spoke. She was a pretty woman, with a nice smile and a friendly disposition. She stood there in front of the class and taught us our ABCs, but I didn't pay much attention. I didn't have to, because I already knew my ABCs, momma taught them to me. I listened as the kids in class sang the little ditty and struggled over the LMNOPs, but I didn't feel like singing with them. My mind still dwelled on the state of our cirque. So many questions lingered about my family's future.

My teacher asked what was wrong, and I didn't answer. She wouldn't have understood if I did tell her. School ended sometime in the early afternoon and I usually walked alone back to the cirque grounds. On my return, I would stop by Travardy's training tent and continued to learn the intricate art of the trapeze. Warrick and I just finished our first set of basic exchanges successfully, leaving Travardy very pleased with our progress. "I'll see you tomorrow," he smiled and we'd leave his tent.

At night, I'd climb in my hammock and go to sleep and the entire day would start all over tomorrow. That was how life was for me during the months at Hartford.

The one thing I did learn in school was that I hated school. I hated my teacher, Mrs. Knolls. Everyone was as new to school as I was, but somehow I just couldn't seem to fit in. I tried not to let it get to me, but on some deep level, it hurt me in ways that I didn't even know. That was when I learned where I truly belonged. I belonged in the cirque. It was the only place that would accept me without question or prejudice.

At September's end, we were finally able to leave this area and I was so very thankful for it. I hated the Hartford area and I wanted nothing more than to get away from here. Far away, another city, another state, another country would be fine by me.

Our show was already months behind and it was sure to get longer as we had no big-top and with the Great War consuming the nation's resources, it's a good bet we wouldn't see those resources for a while. Our tour was indefinitely postponed, but we still moved westward. I wasn't exactly sure where our company came to a stop. Our entire caravan pulled over to some remote area late at night, perhaps to give the drivers a chance to rest their weary eyes.

My mind must've had my body convinced that I was still moving, or perhaps I have moved too much in my short life and will always feel the most ease moving from one place to another. Whatever it was, I could swear I kept moving even when things were stagnate. Sitting in my usual place, I looked up at the stars. They were beautiful, the stars truly magnificent and if I were a bird, I would fly to those stars and see the world for how grand it truly is.

"What's on your mind, little Birdling?" Prue stepped up and took a seat beside me.

"Just looking at the stars," I replied looking at the big dipper. Was it ever this grand? The brightly shining stars in the blackness of the night. "They look so pretty the way they sparkle so perfectly."

"I know what you mean," she agreed. "You're thinking back on the first aren't you?" I could feel my stomach tighten as I turned to face her.

"I see it everywhere," I said, my voice pained with the fear that one day that fire will finally consume me like a raging beast. "It laughs at me, Prue, it dances around me says it will eat me if I give it the chance," I cried.

"It was an accident, Nick, only an accident," her hands gently stroked my back trying to calm my frazzled nerves. I think she's known for a while how I feared the fire and how terrified I am that it will one day claim what is left of me. I saw what it did to Liam's arm. It looks terrible. I didn't say anything to him about it, because I know how much it hurts him to have the scars he carries.

Deep down, I knew the fire wasn't exactly an accident. The cause of it was a dropped torch, but the lion escaping was no accident. Heather Kessler loved her lions, but she'd never let them out during a show. She was gone to the privy when someone snuck in and picked the lock. I wished that they hadn't. I wish they had just left well enough alone. Two hundred people died because of someone's dislike for how Heather kept her beloved animals. It was his fault that they all died.

In recent months, I found myself constantly thinking about death and how I managed to weasel out of its clutches. I don't say a word about my morbid thoughts to my sister. She would probably misunderstand them, as would others. I wasn't suicidal, only curious.

What would death be like? Was it true that there was an afterlife such as heaven or hell? Was there a God? My mind seems to be stuck on these issues, unable to process them appropriately and move on. Eventually, I was able to convince myself that these questions had no real answer that any one person could give, because no living soul actually knew what it was like to die. It would be a journey that I would have to take for myself.

-+-

The next few months were tainted with uncertainty. Without the big-top our cirque would have to resort to other methods of making money. For the time being, we took up with a travelling carnival. Carnivals were a good substitute for our cirque, but they were different in various ways. They were smaller and they never stayed in one place longer than a few days. For us, it meant a lot more travelling, shorter shows and a pay cut. Carnivals are nowhere near as profitable to us as our circus was, but under the current situation, we didn't have much of a choice.

I heard rumours that Sam Braun even considered breaking our cirque apart allowing the members to drift to one of the other circuses scattered around the place. Cisco refused to let that happen and for that, we travelled around with a small carnival. What used to be the sideshow tent was now our main event tent, small singe marks and all.

Hodges, hated sharing what he considered HIS tent with the acrobats, clowns, and all the rest of us normal cirque folk. The show now consisted of me. My part was fairly easy though. Cisco had placed me with the acrobats for the time being and I enjoyed it.

The first time I went out there with the acrobats, I was nervous as all get out. My knobby knees shook like nothing I have ever experienced before. The butterflies in my stomach flapped their wings like crazy.

When the spotlight came on, the faces of the crowd disappeared into the darkness. And even though I knew they saw us as a unit. I still felt like the entire audience had their eyes fixed solely on me. I could feel my lungs constricting as I took my assigned place.

My routine wasn't hard. In comparison to the other acrobats, it was fairly simple. All I had to do was a few strings of back handsprings with either flips or aerials tacked onto the end. Mostly, I preferred the back flip in the layout position. That was the easiest ending I could do.

After a few passes the butterflies in my stomach began to disappear. In fact, the entire performance stated to feel a lot like practice. I suppose that was the whole point of practice sessions.

Thinking back on it, my stage freight is somewhat funny. However, I guess it is only natural for a person to fear something they are not accustomed to. Either way, I quelled the butterflies fluttering in my stomach and I fulfilled my role perfectly. Naturally, the audience ate me up. They couldn't get enough of the tumbling little boy.

Every afternoon I would perform with the acrobats and every evening those who witnessed the spectacle adored me. Perhaps my view was a little vain, but to a five-year-old that is how my world looked. After every show, the troupe would gather and share a drink together. We'd raise our glasses high to another day and another show performed admirably. Then the day would start over in the morning.

Every morning, I would go and see Travardy. There Warrick and I would work on our trapeze routine. Even though we had no big-top, we were expected to be a cirque again, and Travardy wouldn't have our training stopped by a bad turn in our situation. At noon, momma would take me out to lunch, usually with Prue and Liam. Mandy and Wendy always wanted to join us, but Cisco had them performing during the lunch hour.

When we returned, it was my turn and Prue would wish me luck as I walked in the tent and started showing off my limited talents to anyone who would watch. Even though Prue was off, she usually stood around and watched. Personally, I think she knew that the fire was still affecting me and wanted to make sure I had someone there for me. I appreciated it. I really did, because I knew that momma couldn't always be at my side.

Performing seemed to help me, or at the very least get my mind off the incident. I know the image of all those burned bodies won't soon vanish from my nightmares, however when I was out there performing, all I could do was focus on the routine. If I focused on anything else while performing, I would surely land square on my bum. That would get a large applause I am sure... not to mention the rest of my troupe would laugh at me from now until Kingdom come. I would never hear the end of it. It is about needless to say at this point, but performing was a much welcomed and needed break for me.


	9. Chapter 9

-~*~-

CHAPTER IX: The Curious Case of Jim Brass

The months passed difficultly for all of us. Travelling from city to city was hard enough every two weeks, but now we do the same on a weekly if not daily basis. That wasn't the only thing that changed about our cirque. The fire show had been terminated until proper safety measures could be met for our audience. It was disheartening that this happened once. No one in our troupe was eager to see something like that ever again. I know they did nothing wrong. I know it was just an accident to drop the torch, but the risks to the audience are just too great.

That wasn't the only change our cirque made though. A week after we left Hartford, Sam Braun took on a retired detective, Jim Brass as our security guard. He had the security guard look. He was short and stocky, a plump kind of fellow at best with hardly any neck. His nearly black hair was quickly going by the wayside, as his hairline grew quite high atop his head. On his left hip he carried a revolver. One of the many oddities about Jim Brass was that he always walked around in a suit. Come to think about it, I've never seen him wear anything else.

I found him to be a most interesting character. He was friendly, almost too friendly, as though he were trying too hard. The way I figured it at the time was that he really wanted to fit in and wasn't quite sure how. Our troupe was a tight-knit group, almost like a big family. There wasn't a single one of us who didn't know every single person in our group.

Jim was a bit out of place. He was a normal person, went to school graduated with honours, even spent a semester or two at a fancy university before enlisting in the military. After the war, he became a police officer and then a detective. He retired a year or two since joining our troupe.

From what I know about Jim – and it isn't a lot – he has no family to speak of. Sometimes he briefly mentions his daughter, Elly. I think that's her name. He must not be too close to her though, she never comes around and he never seems too eager to be around her. Regardless of how hard he tried to hide it from the world, I could see how much he cared for her, even if she couldn't return his sentiments.

The man was very strange indeed. He wanted to know everything about everyone, but he never just asked outright. He preferred to watch and see for himself. He carried a notebook, old and worn. Every now and then, I'd see him write in it and quickly stash it away back into his jacket's inner pocket. It was the most peculiar thing I've ever seen. At the time, I didn't dwell on it too much because you never can tell what tics a person might have. Like Hodges for example finds it necessary to put himself right in your face and find out everything about you. However, Jim was different. He wasn't so obvious in his attempts. He preferred to keep his agenda hidden behind a shrouded curtain, staying out of sight, scribbling little notes in that book of his.

I caught him at this several times, but he just smiled and hid that little book of his patting his chest where it rested. Inwardly, I always wondered what he was so busy writing in that book all the time. However, I would never call him out on it and ask him point blank.

Jim seemed oddly fond of me though. I found him several times watching me interact with people. Most disturbing was how he would watch me do my tricks. He wanted to know strange things about me like my age, and how my momma treated me. I always answered him, but something deep down told me I probably shouldn't have said anything.

Jim Brass wasn't the only new face running around our grounds. Ten days after our troupe acquired Jim, Sam Braun hired a man by the name of Bobby Dawson. Now, Bobby was an interesting man let me tell you. He loved weapons. I don't mean just loved, he loved them to the point where he'd polish the same Winchester Rifle five times a day.

Bobby was tall, and a bit lanky I suppose. He had sandy blond hair that curled neatly behind his ears. The man might have been crazy about his guns, but he was exceptionally nice and unlike Brass who seemed out of his element, Bobby fit right in.

He has a laid back personality, which I found to be odd for someone who loved weaponry. Even his wrinkled clothes were laid back. He didn't wear suits with ties like Jim Brass. He was a neat guy. He also had this really neat act. He'd climb into a giant cannon and then he was shot out like a bullet. It was the most amazing thing I've ever seen. The audience thought so too. They'd gather around just to see how far he'd fly through the air. Personally, I've always suspected that they really wanted to see the man blow himself to smithereens.

He did all sorts of tricks with bows and arrows, guns and even knives and swords. He took my brother, Xander under his wing and began to teach him everything he knew. Well, not everything, you have to allow a man to keep some of his secrets, or everyone might pick them up and then he'd sadly be out of a job. It turned out that Xander really loved fighting with swords, knives and even archery competitions. The only thing Xander wouldn't do was handle the guns. He's never seen so many guns before, but they always made him nervous for whatever reason and for that, he never wanted anything to do with them.

Let me tell you about Xander for a moment. He was a great man, a good bloke you could say. He loved life, and he loved living life. He idolised Cisco, but never said a thing about it. Sometimes, when he thought no one was watching him, he'd stand up on that round platform and pretend he was Cisco. I laughed at his silly impersonation. Perhaps I shouldn't have though, because he did a great job of it. Again, that was Xander's gift. They called him a chameleon because of his ability to mimic anyone. I'm sure if I asked him, he could parade himself as me and everyone would believe it.

At this time, Xander was eleven and small for his age. He took on Cisco's gimpy growth genes same as me. Cisco always complained we never grew as well as Liam and insisted that we eat more than we actually needed. Like the rest of our clan, he had dark brunet hair, and dark soft brown eyes.

Bobby Dawson and Xander Simms made quite the sword-fighting duo. Xander loved it, the quick movements, the sharp jabs the swinging of the heavy steel blade. He loved every bit of it. When he walked around, he loved to keep a sword sheathed at his side. He thought it made him look bigger than he really was. I'm not sure it worked. He still looked just as gangly to me.


	10. Chapter 10

-~*~-

CHAPTER X: Forbidden Fruit

We spent two years travelling with the small carnival. Every five to seven days, we'd set up in some town somewhere and then about as fast as we arrived, we pulled the tents and we were off to the next city. It was a hard two years for everyone, especially for me.

During these two years, my routine never wavered. Every morning, I was to wake up and go see a guy named Mark Flemming to help beef up my body. It was all facilitated by Cisco of course. He wanted me to perform. Hell, that's the only reason why he fathered me. I was to be a performer from birth and from my interest in birds, Cisco figured I would make a great aerial acrobat for his cirque. He wanted me out there, but I couldn't hold Warrick's weight yet so my routines with him were always very simplistic. He was only a year and a half older than me, but he was big for his age and I was still some noodle of a kid. It was Mark's job to see to it that I could handle catching Warrick safely.

During these past two years the expectations of my performances grew exceptionally. I was expected to do more school work, and spend more time training with either Travardy and Warrick or with Mark Flemming.

I'm not sure if you could call our school, much of an educational establishment. One of the mistresses that travelled with our cirque ran it. I want to believe she was an elementary teacher before joining our troupe, but no one knew for sure. She joined the cirque at the request of Sam Braun, to perform some needed service for him.

Like anyone else travelling with our cirque, they too had to perform some function for the group. Since Ms. Greenwood used to be a schoolteacher, it was her duty to educate all us younglings. It wasn't much of a class, though she gave us a lot of work to do, I doubted that we learned very much at all. Mostly, we learned how to write in appropriate grammar and do basic mathematics. We'd read some of the classics, though we had very little time for such frivolous activities on our average day. However, we did enjoy the few we were capable of reading. Mostly, our literature section should be considered a huge waste of time and effort. Ms. Greenwood would say otherwise, but that's her prerogative I suppose.

Then after class, I was to spend hours on end training with Travardy and Brown. Travardy's aerial training was even more intense now that I was performing nightly at the carnivals in the capacity of an aerialist and not as an acrobat.

I didn't start performing aerial stuff until I was six. Even then, it was simple stuff that I could handle. I knew Warrick could handle a lot more than I could, but I was still limited in upper body strength, and Mark Flemming hadn't yet been able to whip me in complete shape.

I don't think I've ever lived up to Mark's expectations of my physique. Not that I wasn't in good shape in my prime, just that Mark always thought I should be more.

-+-

No one in our troupe liked the carnival. When we were travelling with the cirque on our own tour through the world, we'd set up in some field just to the outskirts of town where we had all the room to spread out and enjoy the luxuries of life. With the carnival, we had no such privilege. They crammed us into some city block where we barely fit. Our trailers were so bunched up we could hardly get out of them. In fact, Harvey the human giant with the sideshow had to change the orientation of his trailer so he could get out.

The noise on the city streets were almost intolerable with the motor vehicles driving around, honking their horns, people shouting across the way, and everything else that goes on in the cities.

Momma wouldn't let us stay out alone during the nights. Women came out of the woodwork, dressed in high-cut dresses exposing their thighs almost all the way to their butt. Their tops were low, exposing as much of their breasts as they could without falling out. They'd wear make-up thick and colourful. Not like the make-up Liam wears or mom, this was overdone and almost screamed to people to wash them. They'd bat their fake eyelashes anytime a man would walk by. Some would take them from the streets and from there I don't know. Momma didn't want us around these ladies. She'd usher me inside. She wasn't so insistent with Liam.

"He's of age to make his own decisions," she would say. "If he wants to stay out with those floozies, that's his business. You will take no part in it."

"He doesn't like them," I said absentmindedly. "He fancies Catherine Willows."

"Oh that Catherine is a looker for sure, but she's off limits to him. She's Braun's girl, and he knows the rules," momma stated and prepared dinner.

"He still likes her."

None of the adults seemed to acknowledge Liam's interest in her. Every day, he'd do things just for her. Sometimes, he'd even fall off his unicycle when she galloped by with her hair strawberry blonde hair floating in the wind. She sang her siren's tune, and he was answering her call.

Sometimes, when momma was out and he thought I was asleep, he'd grow a new limb and he'd touch it singing Catherine's tune in the lowest of whispers. His hips would come off the bed he liked it so much. I never mentioned this to him, or to anyone else in my troupe that I knew he tasted the forbidden apple.

Momma had complete faith in Liam's honour and fully believed that he'd leave Catherine Willows alone. She wouldn't listen to me. For Liam's sake, I was glad she didn't. He was a lot easier to live with when he was sneaking off with Catherine all the time.

They thought they were being very secretive, but they were so obvious about it. You might as well have decorated them with flashing lights that spelled it out. They loved each other. Only everyone was too busy with their own things to really notice.

Sam Braun was always busy haggling over the price of the new Big-top. They kept telling him supplies were low and it would cost him extra for the material. Cisco was busy with his own problems to see that his first born was falling head over heels in love. Momma was too worried about the floozies on the street corner, and that left me seeing the whole show between Romeo and Juliet.


	11. Chapter 11

-~*~-

CHAPTER XI: Celebration for a Generation

Both Sam Braun and William Cisco were extremely pleased the day the new big-top arrived. It came in the largest shipping container that I've ever seen. It took six fully grown men to move it on the wheels. They definitely were pleased with it. The truck arrived when I was on my way to what was supposed to be school. It was really two hours of sitting around pretending to read literature when we were really reading the latest issue of Captain America. That guy could really save the day, y'know. He made everything seem like it would all work out in the end.

With the arrival of the big-top, our carnival days were at an end. It couldn't have happened at a better time. Everyone was down and out, tired of this busy nomadic life. Don't get me wrong, we're still going to be nomads, just living in one place a little longer. I have to admit two to three weeks is a wee bit easier than a handful of days.

Our troupe rushed around the huge box as though it were a Mecca for all us cirque folk. We stood around and ogled it as if it were a God. In certain ways, it was like a God to us. With its arrival, it marked the end of our suffering with the carnival and our liberation to join the world, as we knew it best.

When I looked around at the people gawking at the large wooden crate, I could only see gazes of hope, inspiration, and determination. The carnival folk didn't seem to like it much at all. They glared at it as though it were an infectious disease ready to strike and kill at any moment. I guess in a way, the tent did represent the beginning of an end for the carnies, as well as for the rest of us. When I looked at it from their perspective, I can see why they wouldn't be pleased to see us leave. Having us tag along meant more money for their pockets, while it meant less for us. I didn't envy them either. They lived hard lives and did it on little more than pennies.

On the eve of the big-top's arrival, our troupe gathered around the large crate. Their eyes grew big with desire as they pried the top off and took out the enormous canvas tent. The men hoisted it into the air and shouted at the top of their lungs. It was a liberating sight that had us all shouting joyously. Our days with the carnival were quickly coming to an end and not a moment too soon.

People danced and drank as they sang merry tunes to the sky. The quintet for our show gathered their horns and played their songs for the gathered crowd. It was a party all right, and all of us were invited. Warrick Brown pulled me atop the table and we danced to the quintet's upbeat song. He hoisted me high in the air and I performed my tricks for them. They cheered loudly for each trick I performed.

At the song's end, Cisco pulled me to his side, his eyes beamed with pride. He loved to see me perform like that. He took pride in knowing that I was his boy and displays like that touched his heart. I'm not sure he could have been any prouder of me than he was at that moment. The way his eyes shined as he beamed at me as if to say, 'That's my boy.'

The people clapped their hands to the merry tunes of the brass band. Their feet moved to the rhythmic beats. They danced around in circles exchanging partners with each other. Warrick took me by the hand and pulled me along the line. Faster and faster, we danced around the massive box. The band grew louder as we continued onward with our festivities. My heart raced as the music came to a stop and I could finally see Liam standing inside the middle of our circle holding a massive birthday cake. His lips curled up in a smile that stretched from ear to ear.

"Happy birthday, Birdling," he set the cake down and lit the seven candles.

All at once, the entire festival turned its attention to me. I stood there amazed at the turn of events. I could feel Cisco's hand over my shoulder. I turned to face momma who too was smiling happily.

Liam cleared his throat and a new silence moved through the excited crowd. "As you all know, the arrival of the new big-top is not all we're celebrating today," he said proudly. "I know your birthday isn't for another two days, but we'll be on the road then and we wouldn't be able to give you a proper seventh birthday," his eyes beamed toward me. "I know your fifth birthday wasn't much fun, and your sixth was spent on the road. We all thought it was time that you had a proper birthday for once. Happy birthday Nick and I hope this next year brings you all the joys you haven't had in the last few years."

The rowdy crowd silenced as I took the forefront behind my massive cake. It seemed to tower over everything it was so huge. I had their undivided attention as I stood there in the glow of the seven flickering flames. My family swarmed around me, their eyes filled with pride and joy. The band struck the merry tune as the crowd began to sing. I could feel my cheeks flush in the heat of the moment as the song came to a close.

I clinched my eyes tight as I took a deep breath. Holding it for a second, I carefully made my wish and blew out the seven candles. The gathered crowd cheered and whistled in excitement as I smothered the flickering flames.

I looked around the place to find momma clapping the loudest. Her eyes beamed with all the love and compassion of the world. On the other side of the crowd stood Cisco, his eyes filled with love and pride for me.

Next to him, I could see Travardy talking softly in Cisco's ear. Whatever it was must've been good for the smile that spread over Cisco's face. I know he's probably talking about the catch I made yesterday. It was the first time that I actually caught Warrick and held him in the air. It was the sign Cisco was waiting for. Every day, he'd go find Travardy to see if I had finally managed it. Yesterday I finally did three times. I've never seen Travardy happier.

If Travardy was indeed telling Cisco about my success with Warrick, then my showcase must be right around the corner. The showcase was the last thing that really had me nervous. Really, I don't know why they make such a huge to-do over a new performer, but they do. Every time a person becomes an official performer with our troupe, they are expected to be a featured performer so the audience can judge their worth. For many, this performance will make or break their career. I knew that if I failed my showcase, I would fail my family and that was the last thing that I wanted.

I tried not to worry about it. However, the closer I got to perfecting tricks with Warrick, the closer it came and it had a way of creeping back to the forefront of my mind. It couldn't be long now. Liam had his when he was seven, as did Prue and Mandy Webster and Wendy Simms. Xander had his at eight, so I'm certain mine is just around the corner.

No matter how hard I tried to keep the worried expression off my face, it still bled through. Prue always told me that my eyes were like an open book. You could always look at me and know exactly what I was feeling. I tried not to dwell on my uncertainties and put all my focus on the large cake in front of my face. But, I couldn't stop thinking about my showcase. I stood there next to momma as she took the cake knife and cut the icing-adorned dessert into large squares.

"Here you go sweetie, happy birthday," she bid as she handed me the plate with a hug and a smile.

People gathered around me, congratulating me on making it one more year. One more trip around the sun. That never made sense to me until that year passed. My sixth year was indeed a very hard year for me. It was a year daunted by Travardy and Flemming cracking their whips over my head determined to make a performer out of me yet. If that wasn't enough, we spent nearly every waking moment of it travelling from city to city. It's amazing that I even managed to survive.

Finally, I made my way to the benches that lined this week's Main Street and set my birthday cake on it. Again, my mind wandered to my impending showcase. My uncertainty must've shown heavily on my face for the way Wendy looked at me. Her usually happy eyes, saddened at the sight of me. Slowly, she made her way toward the bench where I sat.

"What's on your mind, Nicky?" she asked as she took a seat next to me.

"Nothing," I replied a little less than truthful. It wasn't an outright lie, because it really wasn't a big deal. I mean, everyone with our troupe went on a showcase, so I'm sure it's not as bad as I believe.

There was a time when I looked forward to my showcase. I thought about it as a rite of passage of sorts, but that was before Liam started talking about his showcase and the expectations Cisco had for him in order to join our troupe as a performer. I really wanted to be a performer with our cirque. I really did. This only made Liam's words resonate with me longer. Deep down, I always knew he was just trying to tease me, but at the time, it really scared me that I might disappoint my entire family.

From the look in her eyes, I knew she wasn't buying my quasi lie. She was always so sharp when it came to the internal problems of others. She always could see right through my façades.

"Are you sure, little Birdling? It doesn't look like nothing to me," she said softly. "What has you so worried?"

"I caught Warrick the other day," I mumbled.

"What's so bad about that?" Wendy genuinely wanted to know. "You should be proud that you finally managed to catch Warrick. That's quite a feat. I mean, look at you? You're so small compared to him and you caught him. That couldn't have been easy."

"It wasn't," I agreed.

"Then what's the problem?"

In my head, it sounds so serious, almost life or death, but audibly I knew it would sound so ridiculous. I mean all this angst was because I'm afraid of something I know I can't avoid.

"It's silly," I admitted. "You'll laugh."

"Try me," she urged. I knew Wendy wouldn't let me off the hook for this. No, no that wouldn't do at all. She got me to this point there was no way she was going to allow me to back out now. She was going to make me tell her if I wanted to or not and I would just have to accept that.

Taking a deep breath, I looked toward the colourful piece of cake sitting in my lap. It did look delicious and definitely edible. "What's it like to perform for your showcase?" I asked.

The instant that word came from my mouth, I could see the concerned expression melt away from Wendy's face. It was replaced by the biggest brightest smile I've seen from her in such a long time. "Is that what this is all about? Your showcase performance?" she laughed as I knew she would.

Not wanting to sound stupid in front of my older sister, I nodded silently to her question.

"You have nothing to worry about."

"I... I don't?" I nearly coughed in surprise.

"No, whoever gave you that idea?" she asked and then quickly answered her own question. "I'm gonna kill Liam for getting you so scared like this. He knows how sensitive you are." She balled her fists in anger and smacked them hard against her leg. "Nick, you have absolutely nothing to fear from your showcase."

"They're not... going to... uh... kick me out if I'm not good enough?" I gulped nervously.

"Lord heavens no. They're not gonna kick you out of the cirque if you don't perform to their expectations. Besides, it's your own expectations that are important anyway."

"Liam said they... they would."

"Well, Liam's just a rotten person," she replied in a tone of absolution. "Nick, don't listen to a thing Liam has to say. He's just yanking your leg like he always does. I thought Jillian would've told you that the showcase is something to be proud of."

"It is?" If I didn't sound silly before, I do now.

"Absolutely," she beamed. "It's the first official show you will star in. It is the show where the audience really gets to see who you are and what you can do, instead of just being out there helping out like you've been doing for the past two years."

"So even if I fall, they won't kick me out?" I asked the stupid question again fearful that she would reverse her statement and I really would be kicked out for not being good enough.

"Nick, honey, you're not going to fall."

"How do you know?"

"I've seen you working with Mr. Travardy, you're excellent. Cisco's holding the audience back by keeping you in the wings. Nicky, you're going to climb that main pole, take the bar in your hands and you're going to win over their hearts with grace and beauty."

"Really?"

"Really, you silly goose, there won't be a dry eye in the place. You're that good."

Up until that point, I've never really thought of my skills as good. It's true, what Wendy said about me falling. I haven't dropped from the bar since I was four. Warrick however, I've let him fall more times than he cares to count. That was different though, that was because I still couldn't hold his weight not that I wasn't good at what I do. Now, I can hold Warrick... well sort of. He's still so heavy and he still slips and slides in my grip.

"Don't worry about your showcase Birdling, Cisco won't put you out on display until Mr. Travardy thinks you're ready and that's only going to be when he's convinced you won't drop Rick for the entire world to see."


	12. Chapter 12

-~*~-

CHAPTER XII: In The Darkness

I couldn't believe that I let Liam get to me like this. I could kick myself for allowing myself to be taken in by one of his lies. From what I saw in Wendy's eyes, she was just as livid about Liam's lie as I was. She stormed over to him, with her eyes filled with fire. Her hand grasped his shirt hard and pulled him away from the beautiful Catherine Willows.

In the frenzy of the festive crowd, I could still see Wendy shoving my brother into Hodge's tent, the flap closed behind her. Even from some distance, you could make out every word they shared. Wendy just let loose on him and took no prisoners. Personally, I was glad to see Liam take the poison Wendy dished out. He deserved it. At one point, her yelling was so loud that even the brass band stopped playing in the middle of a song to hear her wailing on him. Moment's like these, I'm glad that I've never crossed Wendy. That girl could lay it down with the best of them.

Ten minutes after it started it ended as she finally ran out of steam and stormed away from the tent, with her face flushed from shouting. The audience erupted in applause as she made her way through the crowd to her trailer. Liam wasn't so lucky though. When he finally emerged from the sideshow tent, he sported one brand new shiner and his head hung low as he walked slowly through our troupe on his way to our trailer.

In some ways, Liam deserved it, but in a brotherly way, I felt sad for him. It was I, who should have known that he was razzing me about the showcase. It was I who believed him when he said that Cisco would actually disown me if I fell. I should have seen it for what it was. Quickly, I ate my piece of cake and ran off after him.

I wasn't surprised to find the trailer dark. When Liam was upset, he never bothered to turn the lanterns on. He preferred to just sit in the dark and wallow in his misery.

From the front door I could hear him sobbing into his hand. He probably wanted to be left alone, but I wasn't going to satisfy that need of his. Not yet anyway.

"Liam?" I called to the darkened trailer.

"Leave me alone, Nick," he answered miserably. "I don't want to talk to you right now."

"I forgive you for teasing me. I should've known."

"Just go, Nick."

"No," I said confidently. I wasn't going to bend over for him. Not this time. I was seven years old... well in two days, and I was not going to let him walk all over me.

"What do you want me to say? I'm sorry?"

"I don't want you to say anything," I replied. "I just wanted to know if you were all right."

"I'm fine, 'kay? I'm sorry for lying to you. I shouldn't have done that, I know. I really thought... I really thought you knew I was joking."

"I shouldn't have taken it so seriously, but I've never seen a showcase before."

"Yes you have, Warrick's..."

"No, I never saw it. I was with Momma ushering people that night. I was running all around during the show. I've never seen a showcase," I interrupted.

"I thought you had," he replied. I could tell he really felt bad about fooling me. I know he never meant to scare me and that's probably killing him to know how much he really scared me. That's why he doesn't want to talk to me. He's scared that he might screw up, crack some joke as he does all the time and end up hurting me again. "I'm sorry for being such a jerk."

"That's okay, you're a pretty good jerk of a brother."

"I know," he chuckled softly. "Happy birthday, Nick. I'm sorry I screwed it up for you."

"You didn't screw it up for me," I reassured him. "Besides, I turn seven in two days. You can make it up then."

He must've truly believed he ruined my seventh birthday by some stupid misunderstanding. He wiped his tears away and vowed to make it up to me and I knew in my heart that he would. I knew he was relieved to know that he didn't ruin a thing, which was evident from the smile that spread across his face. It didn't stretch ear to ear, but it was sincere.

The heavy mood seemed to lighten as Liam's crooked smile tugged at his lips. It was bittersweet, his eyes were still morose, but he seemed to be in a better state of mind. At least he wasn't crying anymore.


End file.
